Stories of Faith |
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Talking To God Through Your Journal
How I became 'Born Again'
I’m what's called a Born-Again Christian. That’s somebody who promises to live their life in the same way that Jesus did.
This can happen when you're younger or can be like me, I was in my fifties. So basically there is a prayer of salvation that you sincerely pray and ask Jesus to forgive your sins, where you agree that you know Jesus came to save our sins and rose again and that you want him to be the Lord of your life …it really is that simple.
Being a born-again Christian is not complicated - it's not about being religious ….it's relationship not religion, joy not judgement and love not legalism and the ultimate truth is that God is love, that’s basically it – a Christian is somebody who follows Jesus Christ and so you're doing the things that you know He would want you to do.
I explain it in a bit more detail at the end of this page.
This can happen when you're younger or can be like me, I was in my fifties. So basically there is a prayer of salvation that you sincerely pray and ask Jesus to forgive your sins, where you agree that you know Jesus came to save our sins and rose again and that you want him to be the Lord of your life …it really is that simple.
Being a born-again Christian is not complicated - it's not about being religious ….it's relationship not religion, joy not judgement and love not legalism and the ultimate truth is that God is love, that’s basically it – a Christian is somebody who follows Jesus Christ and so you're doing the things that you know He would want you to do.
I explain it in a bit more detail at the end of this page.
I have been a Christian since 2010, if you told me when I was a wild child during my 20s or 30’s that in my 60s, I'd be a born-again Christian, I would have laughed out loud. Hilarious! But God had a plan for Jan, and the laugh is on me.
I've looked back at how this all happened and even now it surprises and delights me. 10 years ago I was in network marketing and I had strife in my business and although I reached a level that most people don't reach, had a free car and lifestyle bonuses, I wasn't happy, there were too many things that didn't feel right and I had to sort out the strife.
I've looked back at how this all happened and even now it surprises and delights me. 10 years ago I was in network marketing and I had strife in my business and although I reached a level that most people don't reach, had a free car and lifestyle bonuses, I wasn't happy, there were too many things that didn't feel right and I had to sort out the strife.
My friend and mentor Christine, who I'd been watching for many years, was right there for me. She was the highest ranking leader in this company, and the leader of the woman's ministry in the church, (I didn't know that at this stage though)
She was always so calm and so loving and I wanted what it was that she had. I didn’t know that it was having God in the centre of her life that made her so special.
I decided one Sunday to visit her church. I told myself that I wasn't going for any particular reason I was just ‘checking it out’ and to be honest I’d heard weird things about how different it was to ‘normal’ church but I had noticed that the most loving and kind of my MLM related friends, were a part of that particular church.
I wasn’t aware at that stage that I belonged to the largest Christian organisation in that particular company. They were taking out all the accolades and achievements year after year and a lot of that can be attributed to the Christian values shown and taught in their organisation. The majority of their high ranking downline were born-again Christians.
I was also told, by someone connected to my network who was not in the church, that I didn’t have to be a member of that church to do well in life or in the business. I took that onboard for a while and stayed away but then when things got worse and I felt I was at rock bottom, I decided I would find out for myself.
The only good thing at that point was my home-life. We had a very strong marriage and our son was wonderful but everything else around me was driving me crazy, sucking the joy out of me and making me unhappy.
The strange thing was that nobody that had suggested I visit the church, was actually there on that Sunday. I texted three people to say that I was 'thinking’ of coming, I wanted to get some moral support but in the end I had to go on my own.
As I look back now, I realise that God wanted me to take responsibility and admit to myself that I was looking for something.
I cried through the whole service that day, I had no idea what was going on at the time, but looking back I see that God was showing me what overwhelming love felt like, He was offering me something that I didn’t even realise I was missing and I had absolutely no idea why I was crying but at the end of the morning, when my friend Maree asked if I wanted to go and talk to Pastor Royree I said yes, and I accepted Jesus and became 'born again'
She was always so calm and so loving and I wanted what it was that she had. I didn’t know that it was having God in the centre of her life that made her so special.
I decided one Sunday to visit her church. I told myself that I wasn't going for any particular reason I was just ‘checking it out’ and to be honest I’d heard weird things about how different it was to ‘normal’ church but I had noticed that the most loving and kind of my MLM related friends, were a part of that particular church.
I wasn’t aware at that stage that I belonged to the largest Christian organisation in that particular company. They were taking out all the accolades and achievements year after year and a lot of that can be attributed to the Christian values shown and taught in their organisation. The majority of their high ranking downline were born-again Christians.
I was also told, by someone connected to my network who was not in the church, that I didn’t have to be a member of that church to do well in life or in the business. I took that onboard for a while and stayed away but then when things got worse and I felt I was at rock bottom, I decided I would find out for myself.
The only good thing at that point was my home-life. We had a very strong marriage and our son was wonderful but everything else around me was driving me crazy, sucking the joy out of me and making me unhappy.
The strange thing was that nobody that had suggested I visit the church, was actually there on that Sunday. I texted three people to say that I was 'thinking’ of coming, I wanted to get some moral support but in the end I had to go on my own.
As I look back now, I realise that God wanted me to take responsibility and admit to myself that I was looking for something.
I cried through the whole service that day, I had no idea what was going on at the time, but looking back I see that God was showing me what overwhelming love felt like, He was offering me something that I didn’t even realise I was missing and I had absolutely no idea why I was crying but at the end of the morning, when my friend Maree asked if I wanted to go and talk to Pastor Royree I said yes, and I accepted Jesus and became 'born again'
Be still and know
He is God
As I was deleting some strange gobbledegook, random sentences that had been left on one of my blogs, I was drawn to this post from February 2020, a new poem in my journal (they come if I give time to the Lord and sit quietly.....yes that 'be still and know' that He reminds us of!
I had said to the Lord, "I guess I’ve felt wary in the past and not really believed that what comes out of my journal, what flows from my pen, is really You……."
The response was this.....
Why not? You ask with a twinkle in Your eye
Am I just a feeling that sometimes passes by?
Am I just a fleeting thought in a worldly busy day
Or am I truth and light and love and am I here to stay?
Shut your early morning eyes and hand upon your heart
Forget I’ve dragged you from your bed, for a very early start.
Feel the Spirit in you, feel the passion in My word
Are the rhymes that you bring forth,the most amazing you have heard?
For these are not your cleverness,you deliver with your pen
and this I’ll keep reminding you over and again
My words, My message My delight,that I gifted you, my love
These seeds I planted in you will bring harvest from above.
I would like it to be a reminder for you to press in, to let go of the naysayers, and the doubt in your mind and remember the enemy is the father of lies. Then shout out to the heavens, a cry of praise for God, for He is The Father of truth and love.
How can your words, gleaned from Him, not be a message to others? Believe it in your gut, if you don’t believe it, how can others? If they don’t, then we’ve taken away a precious gift from that person because you have no idea what massive blessing Holy Spirit might have prepared for them through your word’s that seemed so ordinary to you.
I think the Galatians scripture is back to front…it occurs to me that if you do the blessing part – the rest will come. Those seeds will germinate, and the harvest will be so overwhelming it will knock you off your feet!
I believe the poem that I wrote this morning is both for everyone and anyone who feels the Holy Spirit in their writing and for those who want it to be Him and want to learn more.
I had said to the Lord, "I guess I’ve felt wary in the past and not really believed that what comes out of my journal, what flows from my pen, is really You……."
The response was this.....
Why not? You ask with a twinkle in Your eye
Am I just a feeling that sometimes passes by?
Am I just a fleeting thought in a worldly busy day
Or am I truth and light and love and am I here to stay?
Shut your early morning eyes and hand upon your heart
Forget I’ve dragged you from your bed, for a very early start.
Feel the Spirit in you, feel the passion in My word
Are the rhymes that you bring forth,the most amazing you have heard?
For these are not your cleverness,you deliver with your pen
and this I’ll keep reminding you over and again
My words, My message My delight,that I gifted you, my love
These seeds I planted in you will bring harvest from above.
I would like it to be a reminder for you to press in, to let go of the naysayers, and the doubt in your mind and remember the enemy is the father of lies. Then shout out to the heavens, a cry of praise for God, for He is The Father of truth and love.
How can your words, gleaned from Him, not be a message to others? Believe it in your gut, if you don’t believe it, how can others? If they don’t, then we’ve taken away a precious gift from that person because you have no idea what massive blessing Holy Spirit might have prepared for them through your word’s that seemed so ordinary to you.
I think the Galatians scripture is back to front…it occurs to me that if you do the blessing part – the rest will come. Those seeds will germinate, and the harvest will be so overwhelming it will knock you off your feet!
I believe the poem that I wrote this morning is both for everyone and anyone who feels the Holy Spirit in their writing and for those who want it to be Him and want to learn more.
was advised to start at the gospel of John in the New Testament first, and really discover who Jesus was and what happened to Him, why He was sent to earth and what His sacrifice on the cross was all about. As I read about Him and watched some movies, old and new I actually fell in love with who He is. Sound nuts, I know. The very graphic crucifixion scene in Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ changed me for ever. I sobbed through it all. The sight of Jesus's mother kissing his bloody feet while he was on the cross, was the most difficult part for me. It had a lot to do with being a mum I think and realising the sacrifice He made right at the grass roots. His family suffered watching all that unfold.
At the River of Life church people just did what they wanted, there was a formal agenda during the service but some people would be down the front dancing, others would be clapping and swaying in their seats, some seated, some sang and prayed in tongues, others put their hands in the air and some were just lost in their own thoughts and conversations with God, it was such a joyous atmosphere and I loved it!
I recognise that the 'something in the air' I was feeling was the Holy Spirit.
The following week after I got saved, my husband and son came to church with me and Philip was saved and our son a few months later too.
I spent the first few years in that church crying most of the time, tears of joy, gratitude and sadness as I dealt with so many things in me. My husband and I were baptised in the Holy Spirit and sometime later we were also baptised in water on a bright sunny summers day in a cool blue swimming pool surrounded by our new church family.
I had heard along the way that ‘baptism in the Holy Spirit’ was not for today's church, that it was in the Bible but not something that was for modern times. Well, all I can say is that Jesus said He would send the Holy Spirit to EVERYONE.....not everyone up to a certain date. It’s right there in the bible and it happened at Pentecost. There has been such a change in me. I literally feel Holy Spirit in me and on me.
I now try to live my life as if Jesus was sitting right next to me (very hard when I'm driving and come across idiots in their cars lol) and it might sound a bit weird and very cliched, but He is in the very centre of everything that I do.
I'm not a religious nut! In fact I believe in relationship not religion, I don't quote scriptures at people, I don’t condemn them or judge the way they live their lives, I don't tell them what they should or shouldn't do, I just share on a day to day basis what Jesus means to me, how I live life, my beliefs and expectations, no-one is surprised that I am a Christian. It’s obvious to all around me….I am here if they want to ask questions, tell me their story or give their lives to Jesus as I did.
I read once that when Jesus came to earth, there were around 600 man-made rules. When His disciples asked Jesus which commandment was the most important, He said to only have one God and love your neighbour as yourself. He came to set us free not only from sin, but from religiosity and ritual.
It blows me away to think the 10 commandments became 600 religious rules that most people struggled with - who could live like that? I was so relieved to hear that Jesus came to rid us of those religious rules.
If you think about it, if you are living a life based around those two commandments, the rest just follows naturally. If you love God, you would also accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour because that's the only way to be with God in heaven and you wouldn’t kill, steal, lie and judge etc if you truly loved your neighbour.
When I was saved, all those things I'd worried about before – the rules I’d have to follow, the things I’d have to give up, became things I didn’t even want in my life and things that I didn't even miss when they were gone. It was a conscious decision to follow Jesus but the rest of it became things I really didn’t want to do anymore, they were not things someone told me to stop doing.
I have discernment in me, I know when things are not right, I feel it inside me and believe me, sometimes that can be very inconvenient!
I mean, my hubby and I can’t sit and watch a movie that has nudity, sex scenes, blasphemy, occult, witchcraft or swearing in it. Movies we liked and watched before, are now off the list. We cannot physically sit there. It’s a butterflies in my tum kind of feeling, an unease.
So I ask myself, would Jesus watch this movie with me? If not, we don’t watch it, but if friends want to watch, then that's OK. We'd never tell them not to...that's not what we are about.
I believe Holy Spirit is in me, Holy Spirit, God and Jesus are one. So where I am, what I’m doing and saying, it’s in front of God. I feel it in my spirit when it's not right.
If someone had quoted scriptures at me, before I realised I was looking, or told me that I was a sinner and was going to hell, I would have told them exactly where to go (and with some very colourful language and gestures) and I definitely wouldn't have explored who Jesus was or what others saw in Him. I dislike that type of religious ranting and much prefer the relationship side of Christianity.
At the River of Life church people just did what they wanted, there was a formal agenda during the service but some people would be down the front dancing, others would be clapping and swaying in their seats, some seated, some sang and prayed in tongues, others put their hands in the air and some were just lost in their own thoughts and conversations with God, it was such a joyous atmosphere and I loved it!
I recognise that the 'something in the air' I was feeling was the Holy Spirit.
The following week after I got saved, my husband and son came to church with me and Philip was saved and our son a few months later too.
I spent the first few years in that church crying most of the time, tears of joy, gratitude and sadness as I dealt with so many things in me. My husband and I were baptised in the Holy Spirit and sometime later we were also baptised in water on a bright sunny summers day in a cool blue swimming pool surrounded by our new church family.
I had heard along the way that ‘baptism in the Holy Spirit’ was not for today's church, that it was in the Bible but not something that was for modern times. Well, all I can say is that Jesus said He would send the Holy Spirit to EVERYONE.....not everyone up to a certain date. It’s right there in the bible and it happened at Pentecost. There has been such a change in me. I literally feel Holy Spirit in me and on me.
I now try to live my life as if Jesus was sitting right next to me (very hard when I'm driving and come across idiots in their cars lol) and it might sound a bit weird and very cliched, but He is in the very centre of everything that I do.
I'm not a religious nut! In fact I believe in relationship not religion, I don't quote scriptures at people, I don’t condemn them or judge the way they live their lives, I don't tell them what they should or shouldn't do, I just share on a day to day basis what Jesus means to me, how I live life, my beliefs and expectations, no-one is surprised that I am a Christian. It’s obvious to all around me….I am here if they want to ask questions, tell me their story or give their lives to Jesus as I did.
I read once that when Jesus came to earth, there were around 600 man-made rules. When His disciples asked Jesus which commandment was the most important, He said to only have one God and love your neighbour as yourself. He came to set us free not only from sin, but from religiosity and ritual.
It blows me away to think the 10 commandments became 600 religious rules that most people struggled with - who could live like that? I was so relieved to hear that Jesus came to rid us of those religious rules.
If you think about it, if you are living a life based around those two commandments, the rest just follows naturally. If you love God, you would also accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour because that's the only way to be with God in heaven and you wouldn’t kill, steal, lie and judge etc if you truly loved your neighbour.
When I was saved, all those things I'd worried about before – the rules I’d have to follow, the things I’d have to give up, became things I didn’t even want in my life and things that I didn't even miss when they were gone. It was a conscious decision to follow Jesus but the rest of it became things I really didn’t want to do anymore, they were not things someone told me to stop doing.
I have discernment in me, I know when things are not right, I feel it inside me and believe me, sometimes that can be very inconvenient!
I mean, my hubby and I can’t sit and watch a movie that has nudity, sex scenes, blasphemy, occult, witchcraft or swearing in it. Movies we liked and watched before, are now off the list. We cannot physically sit there. It’s a butterflies in my tum kind of feeling, an unease.
So I ask myself, would Jesus watch this movie with me? If not, we don’t watch it, but if friends want to watch, then that's OK. We'd never tell them not to...that's not what we are about.
I believe Holy Spirit is in me, Holy Spirit, God and Jesus are one. So where I am, what I’m doing and saying, it’s in front of God. I feel it in my spirit when it's not right.
If someone had quoted scriptures at me, before I realised I was looking, or told me that I was a sinner and was going to hell, I would have told them exactly where to go (and with some very colourful language and gestures) and I definitely wouldn't have explored who Jesus was or what others saw in Him. I dislike that type of religious ranting and much prefer the relationship side of Christianity.
I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour and I can honestly say, it was the best thing I've ever done. It was as if a big burden had gone. I can’t even name that burden but I knew it had been lifted.
I was very fortunate to be with a group of Christians who were so loving and accepting and to be a part of a church that was free and Holy Spirit led, because I had been in Church of England / Anglican / Catholic services and found them really hard to enjoy with all the ‘repeating after me’ and the overly formal settings. I didn't realise that I could have a personal relationship with God, talk to Him, ask Him stuff....I always thought we had to go through the priest, padre, reverend or pastor. None of them actually taught me the person who is Jesus and the importance of Holy Spirit.
The Bible scared me and bored me all at the same time. I had tried to read it before and started at the beginning and the God I saw in the pages seemed angry and was killing or punishing His people. There were so many rules and commands and I didn’t think it was for me.
I do realise now that I was pushing back on what I saw as authority because my childhood although loving was very strict, and my dad was an authoritative figure who made the rules and made sure they were kept.
I left home at 17 to be rid of rules and regulations and I made the kind of life where 'if it feels good, do it' was my lifestyle.
I think the mistake people make is starting at Genesis and ploughing through the Old Testament, that's really tough going for a newbie! I did discover later that the Old Testament tells or 'points to' what will be coming in the New Testament. The New Testament affirms what was said in the Old Testament, much of which was already predicted (or prophesied) was coming true.
Did you know rthat there are 44 'prophesies' about Jesus in the Old Testament that came true 100% in the New Testament? It’s fascinating to learn about, but that came later.
I was very fortunate to be with a group of Christians who were so loving and accepting and to be a part of a church that was free and Holy Spirit led, because I had been in Church of England / Anglican / Catholic services and found them really hard to enjoy with all the ‘repeating after me’ and the overly formal settings. I didn't realise that I could have a personal relationship with God, talk to Him, ask Him stuff....I always thought we had to go through the priest, padre, reverend or pastor. None of them actually taught me the person who is Jesus and the importance of Holy Spirit.
The Bible scared me and bored me all at the same time. I had tried to read it before and started at the beginning and the God I saw in the pages seemed angry and was killing or punishing His people. There were so many rules and commands and I didn’t think it was for me.
I do realise now that I was pushing back on what I saw as authority because my childhood although loving was very strict, and my dad was an authoritative figure who made the rules and made sure they were kept.
I left home at 17 to be rid of rules and regulations and I made the kind of life where 'if it feels good, do it' was my lifestyle.
I think the mistake people make is starting at Genesis and ploughing through the Old Testament, that's really tough going for a newbie! I did discover later that the Old Testament tells or 'points to' what will be coming in the New Testament. The New Testament affirms what was said in the Old Testament, much of which was already predicted (or prophesied) was coming true.
Did you know rthat there are 44 'prophesies' about Jesus in the Old Testament that came true 100% in the New Testament? It’s fascinating to learn about, but that came later.
This was the right thing for me because I really felt I was missing out on something that I saw in others, and there had to be something more to life than I was living. It was a God-shaped hole! There's your cliche hahaha.
Maybe you recognise that you have something missing too...if so, message me and let's chat....if not, then that's OK.
The most surprising thing I have discovered as I journal and chat to God daily - is that He was there all the time. I can recognise when He helped me in the past, took care of me, gave me an answer, kept me from making terrible choices and on many occasions, even saved my life.
He is not some secret part of me, but I understand that it's also not just words but actions that draw people closer. My most important desire is to be authentic, and true to myself, so no matter where I am, no matter who I am with, if people don't like the Christian part of me and can't get past that, I do feel sad, but then that's their issue, not mine. I will just continue to try to be a kind, loving respectful person towards them and their beliefs, and still be steadfast in mine.
I still have lots of questions, even after 10 years, it is a lifetime journey and I started very late! I still want to know 'why' all the time.
I imagine God saying ...."What? another 'why' question Jan?" even though I know He knows what I'm going to ask next!
This is also about believing what you can’t see. That’s faith.
The Bible says that faith is "the assurance of what we hope for, and the certainty of what we don't see"
I’d never go back. I like this me.
Maybe you recognise that you have something missing too...if so, message me and let's chat....if not, then that's OK.
The most surprising thing I have discovered as I journal and chat to God daily - is that He was there all the time. I can recognise when He helped me in the past, took care of me, gave me an answer, kept me from making terrible choices and on many occasions, even saved my life.
He is not some secret part of me, but I understand that it's also not just words but actions that draw people closer. My most important desire is to be authentic, and true to myself, so no matter where I am, no matter who I am with, if people don't like the Christian part of me and can't get past that, I do feel sad, but then that's their issue, not mine. I will just continue to try to be a kind, loving respectful person towards them and their beliefs, and still be steadfast in mine.
I still have lots of questions, even after 10 years, it is a lifetime journey and I started very late! I still want to know 'why' all the time.
I imagine God saying ...."What? another 'why' question Jan?" even though I know He knows what I'm going to ask next!
This is also about believing what you can’t see. That’s faith.
The Bible says that faith is "the assurance of what we hope for, and the certainty of what we don't see"
I’d never go back. I like this me.
Top Ten Tips to Journaling
Firstly, let me assure you there is no perfect way to journal – one person’s perfection is another one’s nightmare. I for instance am a very busy headed, ‘something on the go all the time’ personality and if I feel I ‘have to’ sit somewhere and journal to be correct or proper…. I’d start feeling a little freaked out
I am a little envious of those people who are wonderfully organised and have everything in its place with their time accounted for and a neat and a well-oiled and dust free brain.
When I first got saved, oh gosh! that was an experience in itself. Who would have thought that Jesus would be interested in me? Of course, it goes without saying that
I was interested in me, I put ME first nearly all the time, but it wasn’t really working out for me. I had strife in my business, and I was a selfish wife to my lovely husband.
I was on the hit lists of many Christian friends. I think they were amazed and open mouthed when I finally turned up at church to “check it out”, there was a scurry of texts flying around “Jan’s coming to church” and it’s hilarious to find out afterwards just how well organised they were, they all had my salvation at heart.
I’ve learnt since then to understand that even if those we speak to don’t want to know God – Holy Spirit waters every single seed that we sow. I would be interested to see just how many seeds were following me around……it would have looked like the bottom of a very large and well populated budgie cage!
Anyhow, I was in tears all through the service, and I found myself on my knees at the front giving my life to Jesus as Pastor Royree led me through the salvation prayer. I remember feeling a massive sense of relief and I didn’t know why, but ever since then I have carried peace with me everywhere I go.
So off I go into this very wonderful and sometimes more than a little bit weird world of “being a Christian”
Before I got saved I did believe in God, I went to Sunday school as an army kid and I even went to church for a year in Wales after I married Philip, but that was just so that I could get our son enrolled into the church school (a very deliberate and not too honest strategy that worked a treat!)
However, I didn’t know that being a Christian means following the teachings of Jesus and living life the way He would have. I thought a Christian was someone who believed in God, but not so. Christian actually means ‘follower of Christ’
After about a week my mentor and friend Christine Gear (who has since gone to heaven) suggested that I journal. She said that I should write my questions, worries, ideas, thank you’s and just general chit chat in the journal and it would give me answers and bring me closer to God. I really liked Christine and even though I thought that was very weird to suggest chatting to God through a journal, I went and chose a very posh, velvety covered, gold embossed journal and started to meet with God every single morning for an hour, writing about everything that was in me.
To my amazement I was also writing the answers, but after a little while of feeling very clever, I started to believe that actually it was God that was conversing with me. I really wasn’t that smart!
That’s when the rhymes and poems started emerging. I would read back through my week and think I must have seen that somewhere before because it didn’t seem like I had written it. Even now, as I dip into a poem in my book I often think “wow – that’s so beautiful! Go God!”
So, at that time, I was writing my journal every day for an hour. Nowadays I don’t do that, seasons change, and I am more sporadic that I was then, I dip in and out and this is my point. There are no rules, what works for one person may not necessarily be something that someone else would do. Check out my post on the Top ten tips to journaling.
I am a little envious of those people who are wonderfully organised and have everything in its place with their time accounted for and a neat and a well-oiled and dust free brain.
When I first got saved, oh gosh! that was an experience in itself. Who would have thought that Jesus would be interested in me? Of course, it goes without saying that
I was interested in me, I put ME first nearly all the time, but it wasn’t really working out for me. I had strife in my business, and I was a selfish wife to my lovely husband.
I was on the hit lists of many Christian friends. I think they were amazed and open mouthed when I finally turned up at church to “check it out”, there was a scurry of texts flying around “Jan’s coming to church” and it’s hilarious to find out afterwards just how well organised they were, they all had my salvation at heart.
I’ve learnt since then to understand that even if those we speak to don’t want to know God – Holy Spirit waters every single seed that we sow. I would be interested to see just how many seeds were following me around……it would have looked like the bottom of a very large and well populated budgie cage!
Anyhow, I was in tears all through the service, and I found myself on my knees at the front giving my life to Jesus as Pastor Royree led me through the salvation prayer. I remember feeling a massive sense of relief and I didn’t know why, but ever since then I have carried peace with me everywhere I go.
So off I go into this very wonderful and sometimes more than a little bit weird world of “being a Christian”
Before I got saved I did believe in God, I went to Sunday school as an army kid and I even went to church for a year in Wales after I married Philip, but that was just so that I could get our son enrolled into the church school (a very deliberate and not too honest strategy that worked a treat!)
However, I didn’t know that being a Christian means following the teachings of Jesus and living life the way He would have. I thought a Christian was someone who believed in God, but not so. Christian actually means ‘follower of Christ’
After about a week my mentor and friend Christine Gear (who has since gone to heaven) suggested that I journal. She said that I should write my questions, worries, ideas, thank you’s and just general chit chat in the journal and it would give me answers and bring me closer to God. I really liked Christine and even though I thought that was very weird to suggest chatting to God through a journal, I went and chose a very posh, velvety covered, gold embossed journal and started to meet with God every single morning for an hour, writing about everything that was in me.
To my amazement I was also writing the answers, but after a little while of feeling very clever, I started to believe that actually it was God that was conversing with me. I really wasn’t that smart!
That’s when the rhymes and poems started emerging. I would read back through my week and think I must have seen that somewhere before because it didn’t seem like I had written it. Even now, as I dip into a poem in my book I often think “wow – that’s so beautiful! Go God!”
So, at that time, I was writing my journal every day for an hour. Nowadays I don’t do that, seasons change, and I am more sporadic that I was then, I dip in and out and this is my point. There are no rules, what works for one person may not necessarily be something that someone else would do. Check out my post on the Top ten tips to journaling.
So here is a very loose list of my top ten tips for writing a journal.
I have just published "Heaven's Journal" in December 2019, in time for Christmas .
It is a beautiful book, covered in meadow flowers in bloom with snippets of my poetry throughout and scripture at the bottom of each page. There are places for prayer, and writing your own thoughts. It is here on the website for you to get a hold of. It will make the most beautiful gift for friends and family who love to journal or who want to start. www.jemorrisbooks.com
Prepare your space
Invite the Holy Spirit in to sit with you, call on Him to bless your conversation, be very still and quiet and feel His presence. Read Psalm 46:10 before you start if you like. “Be still and know that I am God”
Shut your eyes. He will come to you if you ask Him. I used to imagine Jesus standing behind me with His hands on my shoulders and would wonder what it would be like to feel His breath on my hair.
Pray, either out loud or under your breath, He hears all, show your gratitude for who He is. Praise His name, show Him you love Him. Just worship Him – if it’s appropriate and you are alone, sing along with the music and imagine Him there looking into your eyes. His eyes show you how adored you are!
Also be aware that nothing you write will be a surprise to Him. He already knows you and understands your every need. He just wants you to give Him permission to help you. Having said all that, it is OK to just pick up your journal and write whenever the need arises.
I am so grateful that I had a mentor like my friend Christine Gear, she bought me to Christ and it was because of the journal that I have been able to share the poems that God dropped into my spirit on those wonderful mornings with Him over my first 7 years as a Christian. She went to be with her adored Jesus in June 2016. She is greatly missed.
I pray that you will find peace and joy in writing your journal and that these poems will bless you.
Jan’s Top Ten Tips
I have just published "Heaven's Journal" in December 2019, in time for Christmas .
It is a beautiful book, covered in meadow flowers in bloom with snippets of my poetry throughout and scripture at the bottom of each page. There are places for prayer, and writing your own thoughts. It is here on the website for you to get a hold of. It will make the most beautiful gift for friends and family who love to journal or who want to start. www.jemorrisbooks.com
Prepare your space
Invite the Holy Spirit in to sit with you, call on Him to bless your conversation, be very still and quiet and feel His presence. Read Psalm 46:10 before you start if you like. “Be still and know that I am God”
Shut your eyes. He will come to you if you ask Him. I used to imagine Jesus standing behind me with His hands on my shoulders and would wonder what it would be like to feel His breath on my hair.
Pray, either out loud or under your breath, He hears all, show your gratitude for who He is. Praise His name, show Him you love Him. Just worship Him – if it’s appropriate and you are alone, sing along with the music and imagine Him there looking into your eyes. His eyes show you how adored you are!
Also be aware that nothing you write will be a surprise to Him. He already knows you and understands your every need. He just wants you to give Him permission to help you. Having said all that, it is OK to just pick up your journal and write whenever the need arises.
I am so grateful that I had a mentor like my friend Christine Gear, she bought me to Christ and it was because of the journal that I have been able to share the poems that God dropped into my spirit on those wonderful mornings with Him over my first 7 years as a Christian. She went to be with her adored Jesus in June 2016. She is greatly missed.
I pray that you will find peace and joy in writing your journal and that these poems will bless you.
Jan’s Top Ten Tips
- Treat yourself to a lovely journal, it’s a special feeling to find the perfect one.
- There is no time, place or day that is the right one. I was on my bed, at a window looking over the tops of trees, almost every morning.
- Have Christian music playing in the background or if it’s noisy where you are, use earphones to listen to the music.
- Write whatever comes to mind – no matter how haphazard or off topic it seems, it's all relevant.
- There is no subject that you can’t write or ask about, pray that something will be revealed, that you will receive a revelation.
- Don’t hold back. No-one but God will read this. It’s a safe place to unburden and cry out to Him, wait for Him to respond.
- Remember this is also for your happy things, write about the good stuff that you are grateful for, thank Him for His grace and love.
- Stop writing and go back and read what you have written. Often the answer will come, you may even see it in your writing already.
- Don’t force yourself to write a certain amount, some days it may be several pages others just a few lines. He doesn't mind. He just loves being with you.
- Make it a personal conversation. Be aware of who you are communicating with, talk to Him, as well as write.
GOD WOKE METhis morning I was awoken very early.
I don’t like that, I love my sleep. I always say my creative mind needs to stop and take a breath, but this morning I could feel my brain starting to rev up and it would not quieten so that I could go back to sleep. |
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So I said OK Lord, what it is? Our prophetic writing workshop was bobbing around in my head, boinging back and forth, so I sat up and picked up my phone.
Our son John had sent me a text the night before and I saw it on the screen and then noted the time 4.21….whaaaaaa?
I love numbers and always note signs and messages that come through them, so I picked up my bible from the bedside table. It's a purple bound Passion Translation that I received for my 60th birthday. I turned to John 4:21.
"Believe me, dear woman, the time has come when you won’t worship the Father on a mountain nor in Jerusalem, but in your heart"
I love this story, I love how Jesus loves on this woman and how she becomes the first evangelist, but today I felt the Lord say the message wasn’t anything to do with the Samaritan woman, but it landed in my spirit like a big soppy kiss.
Worshipping Him in our hearts. That beautiful relationship that we can have if we want to accept it. I was writing my thoughts in my journal as I pondered this and I wondered how many of us write and wonder if it’s Him? Wonder if maybe after all…. it’s just me, or it may be Him but it’s just for me not others.
In our very very deep hidden parts, what do we really think of the words we write? Why are we writing the words, where are they going? What is the point of them, what should we do with them?
I was just mulling that over in my mind and browsing the bible app and I saw that the verse for today was Galatians 6:9 and so I looked again in the Passion Translation.
"And don’t allow yourselves to be weary or disheartened in planting good seeds, for the season of reaping the wonderful harvest you’ve planted is coming! 10 Take advantage of every opportunity to be a blessing to others,[a] especially to our brothers and sisters in the family of faith!"
What? He always knows what is in our hearts. We wait for a harvest, for something, for anything to show us we are on the right track. But hey! We worry about nothing. Read this again and then mull it over.
For me it was answering all the questions that I don’t ask out loud. I have published my absolutely awesome prophetic poetry book Heaven is all about Him, and I know and have seen, that it touches people’s hearts. It blew me away when I realised the words were not only for me. They were definitely from Him! The thing is we have to be willing to share them. We have to be brave and say I don’t care if some don’t like them…..I know some need to hear them.
I dip in and out of the book randomly and even now a couple of years after it was published I find hidden treasure in the words that I actually wrote myself. I often read one out to my husband or a friend and say …isn’t that beautiful? I wonder where that came from because I don’t recognise it as mine. My pen writes but the Holy Spirit inspires the words.
Yet I look at it and say….is it really what God wants me to do? I over think it!
The answer is in that scripture from Galatians. “Take advantage of every opportunity to be a blessing to others”.
I love to talk about the stories that have come from my book. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by the amazingness of God and the randomness of how He lines up the people to read something He has for them, that I cry out of gratitude that He allowed me to be the one to bring the word to that person, for such a time as this and in His perfect timing.
As I was writing this morning, I felt the Spirit speak and another poem was delivered.
I said to the Lord, I guess I’ve felt weary in the past and not really believed that what comes out of my journal, what flows from my pen, is really You…….
Why not? You ask with a twinkle in Your eye
Am I just a feeling that sometimes passes by?
Am I just a fleeting thought in a worldly busy day
Or am I truth and light and love and am I here to stay?
Shut your early morning eyes and hand upon your heart
Forget I’ve dragged you from your bed for a very early start.
Feel the Spirit in you, feel the passion in My word
Are the rhymes that you bring forth the most amazing you have heard?
For these are not your cleverness, you deliver with your pen
and this I’ll keep reminding you over and again
My words, My message My delight, that I gifted you, my love
These seeds I have been planting, will bring your harvest from above
I would like it to be a reminder for you to press in, to let go of the naysayers, the doubt in your mind and remember the enemy is the father of lies. Then shout out to the heavens, a cry of praise for God, for He is The Father of truth and love.
How can your words, gleaned from Him, not be a message to others? Believe it in you gut, if you don’t believe it, how can others? If they don’t, then we’ve taken away a precious gift from that person because you have no idea what massive blessing Holy Spirit might have prepared for them through your word’s that seemed so ordinary to you.
I think the Galatians scripture is back to front…it occurs to me that if you do the blessing part – the rest will come. Those seeds will germinate, and the harvest will be so overwhelming it will knock you off your feet!
I believe the poem that I wrote this morning is both for everyone and anyone who feels the Holy Spirit in their writing and for those who want it to be Him and want to learn more
Our son John had sent me a text the night before and I saw it on the screen and then noted the time 4.21….whaaaaaa?
I love numbers and always note signs and messages that come through them, so I picked up my bible from the bedside table. It's a purple bound Passion Translation that I received for my 60th birthday. I turned to John 4:21.
"Believe me, dear woman, the time has come when you won’t worship the Father on a mountain nor in Jerusalem, but in your heart"
I love this story, I love how Jesus loves on this woman and how she becomes the first evangelist, but today I felt the Lord say the message wasn’t anything to do with the Samaritan woman, but it landed in my spirit like a big soppy kiss.
Worshipping Him in our hearts. That beautiful relationship that we can have if we want to accept it. I was writing my thoughts in my journal as I pondered this and I wondered how many of us write and wonder if it’s Him? Wonder if maybe after all…. it’s just me, or it may be Him but it’s just for me not others.
In our very very deep hidden parts, what do we really think of the words we write? Why are we writing the words, where are they going? What is the point of them, what should we do with them?
I was just mulling that over in my mind and browsing the bible app and I saw that the verse for today was Galatians 6:9 and so I looked again in the Passion Translation.
"And don’t allow yourselves to be weary or disheartened in planting good seeds, for the season of reaping the wonderful harvest you’ve planted is coming! 10 Take advantage of every opportunity to be a blessing to others,[a] especially to our brothers and sisters in the family of faith!"
What? He always knows what is in our hearts. We wait for a harvest, for something, for anything to show us we are on the right track. But hey! We worry about nothing. Read this again and then mull it over.
For me it was answering all the questions that I don’t ask out loud. I have published my absolutely awesome prophetic poetry book Heaven is all about Him, and I know and have seen, that it touches people’s hearts. It blew me away when I realised the words were not only for me. They were definitely from Him! The thing is we have to be willing to share them. We have to be brave and say I don’t care if some don’t like them…..I know some need to hear them.
I dip in and out of the book randomly and even now a couple of years after it was published I find hidden treasure in the words that I actually wrote myself. I often read one out to my husband or a friend and say …isn’t that beautiful? I wonder where that came from because I don’t recognise it as mine. My pen writes but the Holy Spirit inspires the words.
Yet I look at it and say….is it really what God wants me to do? I over think it!
The answer is in that scripture from Galatians. “Take advantage of every opportunity to be a blessing to others”.
I love to talk about the stories that have come from my book. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by the amazingness of God and the randomness of how He lines up the people to read something He has for them, that I cry out of gratitude that He allowed me to be the one to bring the word to that person, for such a time as this and in His perfect timing.
As I was writing this morning, I felt the Spirit speak and another poem was delivered.
I said to the Lord, I guess I’ve felt weary in the past and not really believed that what comes out of my journal, what flows from my pen, is really You…….
Why not? You ask with a twinkle in Your eye
Am I just a feeling that sometimes passes by?
Am I just a fleeting thought in a worldly busy day
Or am I truth and light and love and am I here to stay?
Shut your early morning eyes and hand upon your heart
Forget I’ve dragged you from your bed for a very early start.
Feel the Spirit in you, feel the passion in My word
Are the rhymes that you bring forth the most amazing you have heard?
For these are not your cleverness, you deliver with your pen
and this I’ll keep reminding you over and again
My words, My message My delight, that I gifted you, my love
These seeds I have been planting, will bring your harvest from above
I would like it to be a reminder for you to press in, to let go of the naysayers, the doubt in your mind and remember the enemy is the father of lies. Then shout out to the heavens, a cry of praise for God, for He is The Father of truth and love.
How can your words, gleaned from Him, not be a message to others? Believe it in you gut, if you don’t believe it, how can others? If they don’t, then we’ve taken away a precious gift from that person because you have no idea what massive blessing Holy Spirit might have prepared for them through your word’s that seemed so ordinary to you.
I think the Galatians scripture is back to front…it occurs to me that if you do the blessing part – the rest will come. Those seeds will germinate, and the harvest will be so overwhelming it will knock you off your feet!
I believe the poem that I wrote this morning is both for everyone and anyone who feels the Holy Spirit in their writing and for those who want it to be Him and want to learn more
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Do you think you'd like to experience this radical love of God?
It’s not about rules and regulations and an enormous God in a long white frock with a beard and a big stick of lightning, waiting to zap you every time you make a mistake. The grace of God forgives your sins so long as you are sorry and turn away from them. |
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Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" John 14:6
This is very clear, make no mistake, there is only one way to have a relationship with God, and that is through His son Jesus.
I invite you to join us, you will never be the same again.
This is one of those wonderful little poems that God drops into my journal when I spend time with him during my day.
Aware of Him
Keep giving me these butterflies, that often make me sigh.
Keep nudging me away from things you want me to pass by.
I'm asking for your wisdom Lord, and being quiet and still
and resting in your presence Lord and I'm listening to your will.
Drop those treasures in me, let them settle way down deep
Deep into my spirit Lord, so I know them in my sleep
It's only by your grace and love, that we celebrate free choice,
I'm here to do your bidding Lord and listen to your voice.
If you’ve ever been in a place where you feel that you just know there is something else in life and you want a deeper understanding of who God is, then you can do that through the person of Jesus, you can say this prayer....after which you will be a new person in Christ...hence the term born again
Dear Jesus, I believe that you came to forgive us our sins and that you died and rose again. I want you to be in my life. Please forgive my sins, I will turn away from my past and I invite you to become my Lord and Saviour.. Amen
If you said this for the first time, or you re-dedicated your life, please feel free to connect with me HERE and I will give you a prophetic poem as a word from God.
There are many reasons to be grateful, here are a few of my favourites and you'll find 50 more in my book of poetry.
This is very clear, make no mistake, there is only one way to have a relationship with God, and that is through His son Jesus.
I invite you to join us, you will never be the same again.
This is one of those wonderful little poems that God drops into my journal when I spend time with him during my day.
Aware of Him
Keep giving me these butterflies, that often make me sigh.
Keep nudging me away from things you want me to pass by.
I'm asking for your wisdom Lord, and being quiet and still
and resting in your presence Lord and I'm listening to your will.
Drop those treasures in me, let them settle way down deep
Deep into my spirit Lord, so I know them in my sleep
It's only by your grace and love, that we celebrate free choice,
I'm here to do your bidding Lord and listen to your voice.
If you’ve ever been in a place where you feel that you just know there is something else in life and you want a deeper understanding of who God is, then you can do that through the person of Jesus, you can say this prayer....after which you will be a new person in Christ...hence the term born again
Dear Jesus, I believe that you came to forgive us our sins and that you died and rose again. I want you to be in my life. Please forgive my sins, I will turn away from my past and I invite you to become my Lord and Saviour.. Amen
If you said this for the first time, or you re-dedicated your life, please feel free to connect with me HERE and I will give you a prophetic poem as a word from God.
There are many reasons to be grateful, here are a few of my favourites and you'll find 50 more in my book of poetry.
I LOST MY DADThe last time I visited the UK with John, I was very sad to see the deterioration in dad’s health, but so happy that we made the trip and we were able to spend time with him. It was particularly nice to see John chatting to his grandad as an adult, drinking beer and talking about sport.
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MY JOURNEY TO CHRIST
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I have been a Christian for almost 10 years now, if you told me when I was a wild child or during my 20s or 30’s that in my 60s, I'd be a born-again Christian, I would have laughed out loud. Hilarious! But God had a plan for Jan, and the laughs on me.I've looked back at how this all happened and even now it surprises and delights me.
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10 years ago I was in network marketing and I had strife in my business and although I reached a level that most people don't reach, had a free car and lifestyle bonuses, I wasn't happy, there were too many things that didn't feel right and I had to sort out the strife.
My friend and mentor who I'd been watching for many years, was right there for me. She was the highest ranking leader in this company and so calm and so loving and I wanted what it was that she had. I didn’t know that it was having God in the centre of her life, that made her so special.
I decided one Sunday to visit her church. I told myself that I wasn't going for any particular reason I was just ‘checking it out’ and to be honest I’d heard weird things about how different it was to ‘normal’ church but I had noticed that the most loving and kind of my MLM related friends, were a part of that particular church.
I wasn’t aware at that stage that I belonged to the largest Christian organisation in that particular company. They were taking out all the accolades and achievements year after year and a lot of that can be attributed to the Christian values shown and taught in their organisation.
I was also told, by someone not in the church, that I didn’t have to be a member of that church to do well in life or in the business. I took that onboard for a while and stayed away but then when things got worse and I felt I was at rock bottom, I decided I would find out for myself.
The only good thing at that point was my home-life. We had a very strong marriage and our son was wonderful but everything else around me was driving me crazy, sucking the joy out of me and making me unhappy.
The strange thing was that nobody that had suggested visiting the church, was actually there that Sunday. I texted three people to say that I was 'thinking’ of coming, I wanted to get some moral support but in the end I had to go on my own. As I look back now, I realise that God wanted me to take responsibility and admit to myself that I was looking for something.
I cried through the whole service that day, I had no idea what was going on at the time, but looking back I see that God was showing me what overwhelming love felt like, He was offering me something that I didn’t even realise I was missing and I had absolutely no idea why I was crying but at the end of the morning, when the Pastor asked if anyone would like to receive Jesus, I almost ran to her side!
I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour and I can honestly say, it was the best thing I've ever done. It was as if a big burden had gone. I can’t even name that burden but I knew it had been lifted.
I was very fortunate to be with a group of Christians who were so loving and accepting and to be a part of a church that was free and Holy Spirit led, because I had been in Church of England / Anglican / Catholic services and found them really hard to enjoy with all the ‘repeating after me’ and the overly formal settings. None of them actually taught me the person who is Jesus and the importance of Holy Spirit.
The Bible scared me – I had tried to read it before and started at the beginning and the God I saw was angry and mean and was always killing or punishing His people. There were so many rules and commands and I didn’t think it was for me.
I think the mistake people make is starting at Genesis and ploughing through the Old Testament, really tough going for a newbie! I did discover later that the Old Testament tells or 'points to' what will be coming in the New Testament. It’s fascinating to learn about, but that came later.
I was advised to start at the gospel of John in the New Testament first and really discover who Jesus was and what happened to Him, why He was sent to earth and what His sacrifice on the cross was all about. As I read about Him and watched some movies, old and new I actually fell in love with who He is. Sound nuts, I know. The very graphic crucifixion scene in Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ changed me for ever. I sobbed through it all. The sight of Jesus's mother kissing his bloody feet while he was on the cross, was the most difficult part for me.
At the River of Life church people just did what they wanted, there was a formal agenda during the service but some people would be down the front dancing, others would be clapping and swaying in their seats, some sang and prayed in tongues, others put their hands in the air and some were just lost in their own thoughts, it was such a joyous atmosphere and I loved it!
I recognise that the 'something in the air' I was feeling was the Holy Spirit.
The following week after I got saved, my husband and son came to church with me and they are both saved too.
I spent the first few years in that church crying most of the time, tears of joy, gratitude and sadness as I dealt with so many things in me. My husband and I were baptised in the Holy Spirit and sometime later we were also baptised in water.
I had heard along the way that ‘baptism in the Holy Spirit’ was not for today's church, that it was in the Bible but not something that was for modern times. Well, all I can say is that Jesus said He would send the Holy Spirit to EVERYONE.....not everyone up to a certain date. It’s right there in the bible and it happened at Pentecost. There has been such a change in me. I literally feel Holy Spirit in me and on me.
I now try to live my life as if Jesus was sitting right next to me (very hard when I'm driving and come across idiots in their cars lol) and it might sound a bit weird and very cliched, but He is in the very centre of everything that I do.
I'm not a religious nut! In fact I believe in relationship not religion, I don't quote scriptures at people, I don’t condemn them or judge the way they live their lives, I don't tell them what they should or shouldn't do, I just share on a day to day basis what Jesus means to me, how I live life, my beliefs and expectations, no-one is surprised that I am a Christian. It’s obvious to all around me….I am here if they want to ask questions, tell me their story or give their lives to Jesus as I did.
I read once that when Jesus came to earth, there were around 600 man-made rules. When His disciples asked Jesus which commandment was the most important, He said to only have one God and love your neighbour as yourself. He came to set us free not only from sin, but from religiosity and ritual.
If you think about it, if you are living a life based around those two commandments, the rest just follows naturally. If you love God, you would also accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour because that's the only way to be with God in heaven and you wouldn’t kill, steal, lie and judge etc if you truly loved your neighbour.
When I was saved , all those things I'd worried about before – the rules I’d have to follow, the things I’d have to give up, became things I didn’t even want in my life and things that I didn't even miss when they were gone. It was a conscious decision to follow Jesus but the rest of it became things I really didn’t want to do anymore, they were not things someone told me to stop doing.
I have discernment in me, I know when things are not right, I feel it inside me and believe me, sometimes that can be very inconvenient!
I mean my hubby and I can’t sit and watch a movie that has nudity, sex scenes or swearing in it. Movies we liked and watched before, are now off the list. We cannot physically sit there. It’s a butterflies in my tum kind of feeling, an unease.
So I ask myself, would Jesus watch this movie with me? If not, we don’t watch but if friends want to watch, then that's OK. We'd never tell them not to...that's not what we are about.
I believe Holy Spirit is in me, Holy Spirit, God and Jesus are one. So where I am, what I’m doing and saying, it’s in front of God. I feel it in my spirit when it's not right.
If someone had quoted scriptures at me, before I realised I was looking, or told me that I was a sinner and was going to hell, I would have told them exactly where to go (and with some very colourful language and gestures) and I definitely wouldn't have explored who Jesus was or what others saw in Him. I dislike that type of religious ranting and much prefer the relationship side of Christianity.
This was the right thing for me because I really felt I was missing out on something that I saw in others, and there had to be
something more to life than I was living. It was a God shaped hole! There's your cliche hahahaha.
Maybe you recognise that you have something missing too...if so, message me and let's chat....if not, then that's OK.
The most surprising thing I have discovered as I journal and chat to God on a daily basis - is that He was there all the time. I can recognise when He helped me in the past, took care of me, gave me an answer, kept me from making terrible choices and on a couple of occasions even saved my life.
He is not some secret part of me, but I understand that it's also not just words but actions that draw people closer. My most important desire is to be authentic, true to myself, so no matter where I am, no matter who I am with, if people don't like the Christian part of me and can't get past that, I do feel sad, but then that's their issue not mine. I will just continue to be the kind, loving respectful person I am towards them and their beliefs, and still be steadfast in mine.
I still have lots of questions, even after 10 years, it is a lifetime journey and I started very late! I still want to know 'why' all the time.
I imagine God saying ...."What? another 'why' question Jan?" even though I know He knows what I'm going to ask next!
This is also about believing what you can’t see.
That’s faith. I’d never go back. I like this me.
My friend and mentor who I'd been watching for many years, was right there for me. She was the highest ranking leader in this company and so calm and so loving and I wanted what it was that she had. I didn’t know that it was having God in the centre of her life, that made her so special.
I decided one Sunday to visit her church. I told myself that I wasn't going for any particular reason I was just ‘checking it out’ and to be honest I’d heard weird things about how different it was to ‘normal’ church but I had noticed that the most loving and kind of my MLM related friends, were a part of that particular church.
I wasn’t aware at that stage that I belonged to the largest Christian organisation in that particular company. They were taking out all the accolades and achievements year after year and a lot of that can be attributed to the Christian values shown and taught in their organisation.
I was also told, by someone not in the church, that I didn’t have to be a member of that church to do well in life or in the business. I took that onboard for a while and stayed away but then when things got worse and I felt I was at rock bottom, I decided I would find out for myself.
The only good thing at that point was my home-life. We had a very strong marriage and our son was wonderful but everything else around me was driving me crazy, sucking the joy out of me and making me unhappy.
The strange thing was that nobody that had suggested visiting the church, was actually there that Sunday. I texted three people to say that I was 'thinking’ of coming, I wanted to get some moral support but in the end I had to go on my own. As I look back now, I realise that God wanted me to take responsibility and admit to myself that I was looking for something.
I cried through the whole service that day, I had no idea what was going on at the time, but looking back I see that God was showing me what overwhelming love felt like, He was offering me something that I didn’t even realise I was missing and I had absolutely no idea why I was crying but at the end of the morning, when the Pastor asked if anyone would like to receive Jesus, I almost ran to her side!
I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour and I can honestly say, it was the best thing I've ever done. It was as if a big burden had gone. I can’t even name that burden but I knew it had been lifted.
I was very fortunate to be with a group of Christians who were so loving and accepting and to be a part of a church that was free and Holy Spirit led, because I had been in Church of England / Anglican / Catholic services and found them really hard to enjoy with all the ‘repeating after me’ and the overly formal settings. None of them actually taught me the person who is Jesus and the importance of Holy Spirit.
The Bible scared me – I had tried to read it before and started at the beginning and the God I saw was angry and mean and was always killing or punishing His people. There were so many rules and commands and I didn’t think it was for me.
I think the mistake people make is starting at Genesis and ploughing through the Old Testament, really tough going for a newbie! I did discover later that the Old Testament tells or 'points to' what will be coming in the New Testament. It’s fascinating to learn about, but that came later.
I was advised to start at the gospel of John in the New Testament first and really discover who Jesus was and what happened to Him, why He was sent to earth and what His sacrifice on the cross was all about. As I read about Him and watched some movies, old and new I actually fell in love with who He is. Sound nuts, I know. The very graphic crucifixion scene in Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ changed me for ever. I sobbed through it all. The sight of Jesus's mother kissing his bloody feet while he was on the cross, was the most difficult part for me.
At the River of Life church people just did what they wanted, there was a formal agenda during the service but some people would be down the front dancing, others would be clapping and swaying in their seats, some sang and prayed in tongues, others put their hands in the air and some were just lost in their own thoughts, it was such a joyous atmosphere and I loved it!
I recognise that the 'something in the air' I was feeling was the Holy Spirit.
The following week after I got saved, my husband and son came to church with me and they are both saved too.
I spent the first few years in that church crying most of the time, tears of joy, gratitude and sadness as I dealt with so many things in me. My husband and I were baptised in the Holy Spirit and sometime later we were also baptised in water.
I had heard along the way that ‘baptism in the Holy Spirit’ was not for today's church, that it was in the Bible but not something that was for modern times. Well, all I can say is that Jesus said He would send the Holy Spirit to EVERYONE.....not everyone up to a certain date. It’s right there in the bible and it happened at Pentecost. There has been such a change in me. I literally feel Holy Spirit in me and on me.
I now try to live my life as if Jesus was sitting right next to me (very hard when I'm driving and come across idiots in their cars lol) and it might sound a bit weird and very cliched, but He is in the very centre of everything that I do.
I'm not a religious nut! In fact I believe in relationship not religion, I don't quote scriptures at people, I don’t condemn them or judge the way they live their lives, I don't tell them what they should or shouldn't do, I just share on a day to day basis what Jesus means to me, how I live life, my beliefs and expectations, no-one is surprised that I am a Christian. It’s obvious to all around me….I am here if they want to ask questions, tell me their story or give their lives to Jesus as I did.
I read once that when Jesus came to earth, there were around 600 man-made rules. When His disciples asked Jesus which commandment was the most important, He said to only have one God and love your neighbour as yourself. He came to set us free not only from sin, but from religiosity and ritual.
If you think about it, if you are living a life based around those two commandments, the rest just follows naturally. If you love God, you would also accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour because that's the only way to be with God in heaven and you wouldn’t kill, steal, lie and judge etc if you truly loved your neighbour.
When I was saved , all those things I'd worried about before – the rules I’d have to follow, the things I’d have to give up, became things I didn’t even want in my life and things that I didn't even miss when they were gone. It was a conscious decision to follow Jesus but the rest of it became things I really didn’t want to do anymore, they were not things someone told me to stop doing.
I have discernment in me, I know when things are not right, I feel it inside me and believe me, sometimes that can be very inconvenient!
I mean my hubby and I can’t sit and watch a movie that has nudity, sex scenes or swearing in it. Movies we liked and watched before, are now off the list. We cannot physically sit there. It’s a butterflies in my tum kind of feeling, an unease.
So I ask myself, would Jesus watch this movie with me? If not, we don’t watch but if friends want to watch, then that's OK. We'd never tell them not to...that's not what we are about.
I believe Holy Spirit is in me, Holy Spirit, God and Jesus are one. So where I am, what I’m doing and saying, it’s in front of God. I feel it in my spirit when it's not right.
If someone had quoted scriptures at me, before I realised I was looking, or told me that I was a sinner and was going to hell, I would have told them exactly where to go (and with some very colourful language and gestures) and I definitely wouldn't have explored who Jesus was or what others saw in Him. I dislike that type of religious ranting and much prefer the relationship side of Christianity.
This was the right thing for me because I really felt I was missing out on something that I saw in others, and there had to be
something more to life than I was living. It was a God shaped hole! There's your cliche hahahaha.
Maybe you recognise that you have something missing too...if so, message me and let's chat....if not, then that's OK.
The most surprising thing I have discovered as I journal and chat to God on a daily basis - is that He was there all the time. I can recognise when He helped me in the past, took care of me, gave me an answer, kept me from making terrible choices and on a couple of occasions even saved my life.
He is not some secret part of me, but I understand that it's also not just words but actions that draw people closer. My most important desire is to be authentic, true to myself, so no matter where I am, no matter who I am with, if people don't like the Christian part of me and can't get past that, I do feel sad, but then that's their issue not mine. I will just continue to be the kind, loving respectful person I am towards them and their beliefs, and still be steadfast in mine.
I still have lots of questions, even after 10 years, it is a lifetime journey and I started very late! I still want to know 'why' all the time.
I imagine God saying ...."What? another 'why' question Jan?" even though I know He knows what I'm going to ask next!
This is also about believing what you can’t see.
That’s faith. I’d never go back. I like this me.